Unsettling corn syrup mouthfeel and sour candy follow-up disdainfully unappetizing to ponderous flat finish. Lay off, homeboys.

Lime aroma and essence of tequila on first sip. Then, unbalanced blue agave nectar and awkward yeast crud lead to cloy 7-Up cheapness, leaving this “alco-pop” closer to ill-advised wine cooler than low level herbal beer. Disgusting.

Palest yellow pearl-headed crud with dried maize waft suffers from slick corn syrup flow, cloy malt stickiness, and dismal finish. Slim barley-wheat base, mild carbolic hops, and sour candy whim don’t suffice.

Disgustingly gross faux-wine cooler with beleaguered lemon-limed 7-Up spritz. Who buys this rueful drool?  Trendy ’90s-bound seltzer-spumed scum suckers. ‘Zumthing Ztupid.’

Canadian version of Carlsberg strong lager found on Montreal trip ’06. Cloy glutenous malting and phenol hop bittering slacken crisp water briskness. Rugged corn-starched resolve and musty grained finish decrease value further. Pungent alcohol aftertaste lacks fortitude.